Coming Down to the Wire

The time has almost come.  Only 11 (well today is over half over) days left and our family of three will be complete as a family of four.  I cannot wait to meet Zoey for the first time and show her all the love her family already has for her.  I really can't wait to see Khade's face the first time he sees her.  I know he is beyond excited and will be a wonderful big brother!  I'm actually beginning to get a bit emotional just thinking about it...December 20th is such a wonderful day for our family.  Khade and Zoey will share a birthday.  :)

We've decided Zoey will officially complete our family.  After what Trevin and I experienced last November and having such a hard, rollercoaster of a pregnancy with Zoey, we have decided to count our wonderful blessings and give thanks to God for what he has given us.  This pregnancy has been scary for the past few months, and I honestly don't think I can handle the stress and worry being pregnant has placed on me and my family.  Trevin even committed at one of our many visits to the hospital that he just couldn't handle going through any of this again.  It was at that point that I completely agreed.  When factoring in how close I was with dying last November and losing a baby and possibly not being able to get pregnant again with such a hard, worrysome pregnancy this time, I honestly believe if we tried again our results would possibly get worse.

We are beyond thrilled with what God has placed in our lives and blessed us with.  We thank Him for everything He has done and continues to do, and now we pray for an easy birth and very healthy little girl.  What a wonderful Christmas present to share with one another and our families...and wonderful birthday present for Khade.  He told me a long time ago all he wanted for his birthday was Zoey.  His wish is granted.  :)

It's been a while...

I have been so busy that I have completely quit blogging.  Sorry to anyone that actually reads this.  :)  Here's a quick update...

Trevin had shoulder surgery four weeks ago.  He had torn his laberium (sp?) ligament off the bone, chipped away some bone by dislocating his shoulder so much, lossened the back ligament, and slightly torn his rotater cuff.  Luckily, it's all fixed now, with surgery of course.  But he's been in a sling with no movement for the past four weeks.  He just got released yesterday to start PT but still is not allowed to lift more than a coffee cup in his left hand and no movement up towards his head.  It's going to be a long, hard recovery, but he's tough.  It's just added so much to my resposiblity list.  I now have to do everything with Khade because Trevin can't lift him or move his arm to help with bath time, etc, which was always his thing.  Being seven months pregnant is hard enough on its own.  lol.  At least now, Trevin is able to start doing some things on his own for himself.  The first three weeks I was having to help him shower, eat, sleep, etc.  He's been a very appreciative patient though and is still trying to help with Khade as much as he possibly is able.  Hopefully he'll be in full force by the time baby girl arrives.  :)

My parents moved to Flordia.  My dad took a job in Tampa so off they went to a brand new life.  I miss them terribly and really wish they could just come back home.  It's hard since I've always been able to have my parents around me at the drop of a hat and now they are 10 hours away.  It's really an eye opener because I took the time they lived so close forgranted.  On a lighter note, they do have a beautiful new home.  We recently went to visit them on my birthday.  It is absolutely gorgeous there.

Trevin's Papaw Cate recently passed away.  It was a very sad time, but he definitely lived a long and fullfilling life.  He was 87 years old, had five childern, seven grandchildern, and three great grandchildern.  He was definitely loved and will be missed very much, but I'm so glad he is happier and healthier than ever walking the streets of gold with Jesus!!!!

We just "scheduled" the arrival of our little girl!  I'm going to be having a C-section so I have the luxury of actually knowing the exact day she'll come into this world.  I'm so excited.  The doctor gave me the option of two days...December 19th or 20th.  I told him the 20th was actually Khade's birthday, so he said, "Well, let's make it easy to remember and have their birthdays on the same day."  So....Zoey Alexis will potentially arrive (if we both behave, as the doctor stated) December 20th on Khade's third birthday.  So exciting!  I can't wait!  I actually asked Khade last night what he wanted for his birthday, and he said Zoey.  So cute!

And a big highlight is that Khade is officially potty trained.  You have no idea how proud his mommy and daddy are.  He goes all on his own and it melts my heart to her the "big" potty flush without me even having to do anything.  It took a lot of persistance and patience on mine and Trevin's part, but it definitely has paid off.  It's so nice to not have to buy diapers/pull-ups for a few months, and Khade has actually not had an accident in three weeks.  We are some very, very proud parents!

I think that's the big highlights since I've last blogged.  I hope to do a better job from now on.  We have a lot more going on in the future so I'll still be really busy so we shall see I guess.  We are converting the "man cave" into a playroom and that is really a project.  And then we've got to get baby girl's/Khade's room (they are sharing) ready asap as well.  A lot of projects going on at our house.  haha...Khade told my sister that I really needed to clean up the playroom (there is stuff everywhere right now while we're working on it) because it's such a mess.  lol.  He's such a booger.  Love him!

IT'S A.............

We found out what we're having today....so exciting!  And I don't think Trevin could be happier.  I really didn't care what gender of baby we were going to have as long as it was healthy.  But it looks like we're going to have one of each gender because it's a..................GIRL!!! 

The doctor told Trevin that life as he knew it is now over.  haha.  He has a little girl of his own and he said it's totally different for dad's with girls.  So funny.  We are very excited and will now have to start thinking of what to name this beautiful baby girl.

As of everything else....everything looks great.  The heart, spinal cord, and lips (i.e. no cleft lip) look perfect.  So as of right now, this baby looks to be perfect.  I did have my bloodwork done for the downsyndrome test today, so we have to wait on those results but I'm very optimistic that this little girl will be just as perfect as Khade is. 

We'll keep you updated!  Thanks for praying for us!

Whew...

I don't know that I've ever been more relieved for a week to end.  There has been so much going on this week that I just feel exhausted and ready for some rest.  It seems my hormones are really into high gear this week because by today, I have been really emotional.  I'm sure it's mainly due to the fact that I'm so tired but still.  I hate crying or getting upset at a drop of a hat especially when it normally takes an act of congress to get me to cry.  That's just part of being pregnant.

Although this week has been trying, I have learned a lot.  I've learned who I can trust more than others, what real family is about, and that I can lean on certain people for strength and have an ear that will listen to what's been going on in my life.  I am extremely excited to have a long weekend to look forward to. 

Tonight, myself and a bunch of closest friends are going to see The Hangover II.  I can't wait!  I loved the first one and could really use a good laugh after such a hard week.  I think I'm going to go swimming with my sister and mom Saturday, and other than that....I don't know what the weekend will have in store.  I know it's going to be a relaxing time though.  I'm just going to stay in my little "happy" bubble this weekend and take it easy.  I can't wait!

I hope everyone has a great, safe Memorial Day weekend, and until next time!!!!

Bursting at the seams...

First off...let me say I had a wonderful Mother's day!!!  Started off going to church with the fam and having a great day get better.  We had a cookout back at our "lake" with Trevin's family that afternoon.  It was so much fun.  Khade and I fished together and he even reeled in his first fish.  He was so excited!  We had a great time. 

Saturday was a good day too.  Julie (Trevin's sister) took Khade and her son Tucker to the park and on a picnic so I could get some much needed rest.  Been really tired lately, which I will explain in a minute.  Then we went up to my sister's and got together with my family for Mother's day.  It was great to spend some time with everyone.

Now, what made Mother's day even more exciting than normal???

Wait for it....knowing that I will be having another beautiful baby with me next Mother's day!!!  Yes, we are pregnant again.  I'm about six and a half weeks right now.  We are so excited!  I've been to the doctor a lot already.  They are really keeping a close eye on me since my last pregnancy didn't go or end so well.  All the bloodwork and ultrasounds look great!  I am confident with the way I've been feeling and all the doctor's visits that everything is going to go great this time.  Yes, I've been extremely tired and really sick at some points, but I know it will be worth it in the end, and I'm not going to complain....too much.  :)  So expect a new baby from us around Christmas/New Years this year.  Due date is December 29th to be exact.  Yes another December baby.  December babies are so hard...but again, not going to complain!  We are just VERY, VERY excited to make this announcement. 

Thanks everyone who has prayed for us!  Obviously our prayers have been answered!

Submitting to God...

I had a really rough yet revealing weekend last weekend.  It all started late Friday night when I kind of snapped at Trevin.  He told me that ever since my surgery in November I just hadn't been the same person.  I kind of ignored this comment and denied that it was true at first.  Well after we had went to bed and Trevin had fallen asleep, I all of a sudden just began weeping.  Not crying but weeping.  I got up and went to Khade's room (he was spending the night with his Pops and Gammy) for some privacy.  Lets just say, I had it out with God.  I screamed at Him, asked Him why, and to please help me.  Friday night it finally occurred to me that I was not "fine" with everything that had happened in the past year.
Saturday, I felt some better.  I didn't reveal anything about what happened the night before to anyone.  I just don't talk about anything that happens to me personally very often, and I didn't want to talk about this.  I honestly thought no one would understand what I've been going through, so again, I bottled it all up inside of myself and held it in as I had been doing for the past four months.  Any time anyone asked me how I was doing or brought up the subject of me losing my job or my baby, I would simply say what any Christian would say..."I'm fine.  I know God has a plan in everything that has happened."  The truth of the matter is that I was merely saying this to myself not for anyone else's sake.  I honestly was trying to say what I thought everyone wanted to hear and act "perfect" and really convince myself that that statement was true.  Boy was I wrong.
Sunday morning at church, I felt very burdened.  My heart was extremely heavy sometimes to the point of feeling like I couldn't breathe.  Throughout the message, it was all I could do to sit still.  I didn't really know what was wrong with me, but I knew that I couldn't swallow or hold myself together much longer.  The invitation began, and I bowed my head and tried to convince God and myself that I was "fine" once again, and that I didn't need to get up and go pray at the altar.  Well, I was wrong...
As soon as the music started, I jolted, without thinking, out of my seat and ran to the altar.  The pastor came to pray with me and after a few minutes we stood up and he asked me if I was okay.  Again, I had a heavy heart.
God was really pushing on me to actually say something to the church.  I really, really didn't want to, but I couldn't hold anything in any longer.  I simply told my pastor that I wanted to say something.  So of course being the great pastor he is, he gave me that opportunity.  Now, I don't exactly remember what I said.  I think everything just sort of rushed out of me and I honestly don't think I was the one coming up with the words.  I truly feel that God gave me the words to say otherwise I wouldn't have ever said anything.  If you know me, you know I don't speak in public at all, so this was huge.  I know I must have shocked Trevin especially. 
The jist of what I said was more like a confession.  I summed up that I had lost a lot in the past year (no details) and was truly struggling with my faith in God because of it.  I apologized to the church for acting like a strong, faithful Christian and asked them to forgive me for faking it.  Then I turned to Trevin.  I get choked up as I type this even.  I looked him in the eye and thanked him for putting up with me these past few months because I know it must have been difficult, and I apologized to him for the way I had been acting.  Trevin is not a very emotional person, but I could see that I honestly touched him and he had tears in his eyes.  I think he knew how big of a step this was for me to start really healing and getting better.  Again I asked the church to pray for myself but also for my family and thanked them for being such a loving group of people.  The pastor prayed for me and my family right then.
Immediately I felt relief...I'm still struggling every day, but I honestly feel like this is the actual start of my healing process.  I have denied myself the truth for a long time and tried to convince myself that losing my job, baby, etc. didn't bother me or affect me.  I know I'm wrong in thinking that, and I hope to become a much stronger person and Christian due to all this.  I'm trying to rebuild my faith in God now, and I know one day I'll get there; it'll just take some time.  So again, I ask whoever might be reading this to pray...pray for me and my family.  I hope I can repay the favor some day for all those that do, and I hope that my story of finally speaking out and realizing my faults and admitting them may help someone else find the same relief in doing so for themselves.

Rough Start...

This morning started off rough...I didn't get to bed until one o'clock or later last night due to my poor little guy.  He has severe allergies and this time of year is really hard on him especially since he LOVES to be outside.  He had a coughing fit that ended by him throwing up everywhere.  So at midnight, I am cleaning up puke (a lot of puke), giving a crying child another bath and trying to get him calmed down so we can try to get back in bed for the night.  He did go back to bed eventually, but every time I heard him cough during the night I shot right out of bed and ran to his room to check and make sure he wasn't going to start throwing up again.  Ugh...no fun...
Then I wake up a bit late this morning due to the lack of sleep.  Puts me about 10 minutes behind my normal routine.  So I'm hurrying, hurrying, hurrying...finally we're out the door and get to the babysitters.  Well, someone else shows up and parks right behind me and precedes to stand and talk to our babysitter.  I'm just sitting in my car waiting to leave getting more behind by the second.  Finally another person that was waiting in the car behind me switches to the driver's seat and backs out so I can leave. 
Another obstacle presents itself...My babysitter's driveway has a train track through part of it and a train is just sitting on the tracks across it.  So I turn around and go the back way.  I get to the next place where I can turn onto the main road, still and train sitting there.  So now I'm driving all the way to Calhoun on back roads.  Again, Ugh...
I finally get to work about 10 minutes late (I have a 50 minute drive to work), which isn't so bad.  But I swear I probably would have called in and given up if I hadn't known that only TWO of us were going to be in the office today.  It's looking like the day may live up to its standards of not being a great day since myself and one other will have to do EVERYTHING for two different companies.  Hopefully it'll be a slow day though, and I won't have to worry about it.  So far, so good. 
Sorry....I really just needed to vent about everything.  There is more I could possibly complain about, but I don't want to get too personal.  hahaha...Maybe in a later post...time will only tell...Well, until next time...